|
| |
FORGIVING AND REPENTING
PART 1 FORGIVING
I. How Breakdowns In Relationships Occur.
A. Many times we see breakdowns in relationships occur among brethren in the church,
family members, people who work together, or friends.
1. A situation occurs which causes those who were once friends and happy with each
other to become disgruntled.
2. A breach is formed between them, the relationship becomes strained and finally
breaks.
B. There are eight steps from a strong covenant relationship with God and each other to
spiritual death.
1. Receiving a hurt. What happened? How did the breaking develop? Breakdowns in a
relationship occur when one person has been hurt by another. We have all hurt one another
from time to time. It happens when we forget about the other person or his feelings. Even
when we don't want to hurt someone, sooner or later we will.
2. Letting it build. The problem begins, however, when the person who was hurt does not
forgive immediately. If here is no forgiveness, as time goes by the hurt begins to build.
The person starts to think about the hurt and the injustice of what happened to him. He
begins to talk to himself about it. "Why did that person say that?" "Why
did he do that?". Then he begins to pass judgment upon the other person. At this
point something happens inside his heart. There is a breaking of the relationship and a
hardening. There is also a break in his relationship with God. He becomes more and more
severed from the Lord's blessing and fellowship. A judgmental spirit and depression begin
to encompass the person. He has opened himself for demonic activity in his soul. Because
he won't forgive, he is sinning against the other person.
3. Mentioning the hurt to others. Because of this pressure of unforgiveness inside him,
he believes he can mention the incident to other people. We term this "light
gossiping", because the situation is casually alluded to or just spoken about in
passing. The gossip doesn't seem malicious, but it depicts one person’s negative
reaction to somebody who is neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. Now the
destruction going on inside the person's soul increases, the hardness gets harder, the
depression increases, and demonic strongholds tighten.
4. Twisting of what is seen and heard. At this point, the one who hurt the person the
first time may say or do something else. Because the wounded person has let the initial
wound build, he will now twist what he sees or hears in a negative way, making the new
hurt worse than it is. Eventually he will be receiving hurts when no hurts are given.
Moreover, he will blame the other person for these imagined hurts. The heaviness in his
heart increases, increasing the depression. The flow of the Spirit of God is withdrawn
from his life.
5. Full Gossip. To relieve his pressure, he begins what is called "whole or heavy
gossip." He openly discusses with others the way he feels. He tells how he has been
hurt by the other person and his perceived injustice of the situation. Because of the
building hardness of his heart, his conscience doesn't bother him. At this point, he may
withdraw and attempt to maintain a distant relationship, just tolerating the other person
who first hurt him. Or he may get more and more distant, resulting in a continually
worsening relationship.
6. Partially cutting off oneself. Finally the hurting person doesn't want to see or
talk to the other person. If they are in the same congregation, he doesn't want to go to
that church anymore; he begins to drift away.
7. Breaking communion with the body of believers and Jesus Himself. As the relationship
continues to deteriorate, the offended person may leave the congregation entirely. Thus he
cuts himself off from the communion of the body of Christ. With this he begins to break
his communion with Jesus. To cover the emptiness, he begins to fill his life with other
things besides Kingdom work. He may work harder at his job or on other projects besides
the church. Many kinds of escapes are sought to quiet the ache in his heart.
8. Spiritual death. Finally, if the process is not stopped by forgiveness, the
individual may experience a spiritual death and be blotted out of the Book of Life.
Usually the breakdown does not go that far, but sometimes it does.
II. The Seriousness Of Not Forgiving. (Matt. 18:21-35)
A. Not forgiving someone is a very serious thing. In Matthew 18, Peter asked Jesus how
often should I forgive my brother? He was apparently overwhelmed by Jesus' answer. In
other words, never stop forgiving.
B. To emphasize the lesson, Jesus told about a king who took account of his servants.
1. The king found one who owed him ten thousand talents. Under normal circumstances,
such an amount would have taken forty men their entire lives to earn. Since he was unable
to pay, his master commanded that he be sold with his wife, his children and all that he
had so that payment could be made. The servant fell down before him saying, "Master,
have patience with me and I will pay you all." The master of the servant was moved
with compassion, released him and forgave him his debt. He didn't command him to go out
and work for it; he actually canceled the debt.
2. That servant then went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him about a
hundred denari. One hundred days wages under normal circumstances. The first servant, who
had been forgiven his debt, laid hands on the other servant, taking him by the throat and
demanding of him. "Pay me what you owe." This fellow servant fell down at his
feet and begged him saying, "Have patience with me, I will pay you all."
However, the first servant did not have mercy. He threw the other servant into prison
until he could pay the debt.
3. When the servant's fellow-workers saw what he had done, they were grieved and told
their master all that had been done. Then the master, after he had called the first
servant, said unto him, "You wicked servant, I forgave you and cast away all that
debt because you begged me; should you not have compassion on your fellow servant as I
have had pity on you?" The master was angry and delivered the servant to the
tormentors until he could pay all that was due. Jesus then turned and spoke to His
believers, not the unbelievers, and said, "So, my heavenly Father will also do to
each of you if you, from your hearts, do not forgive your brother his trespasses."
4. Jesus was saying the heavenly Father will turn us over to the tormentor if we don't
forgive one another. It's hard for us to forgive one another. Many Christians are living
under partial torment because they forgive, but they don't forgive completely. They are
partially severed from the flow of the Spirit of God in their lives, resulting in their
lack of joy and peace. They have a measure of depression and demonic activity with which
to deal. Yet they don't realize that their problem is in not forgiving completely.
5. Jesus told His disciples again how serious forgiveness was in the life of a
Christian after He had taught them the Lord's Prayer. "If you do not forgive men
their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:15).
If we are not forgiven by our Heavenly Father, we are cut off from all the blessings of
His life. If we are only partially forgiving, we are partially cut off from that life.
III. Aspects Of Forgiving Someone
A. How then should we forgive someone?
1. (Eph. 4:32) we are to forgive like God forgives.
2. (Luke 1:4) We are to ask God to forgive us as we forgive. Therefore, we had better
forgive completely so we can experience total forgiveness from Him. Unfortunately, some
people are unforgiving because they don't trust the forgiveness that their Heavenly Father
has given them.
B. A personal testimony. As an Illustration of these truths, let me tell you about a
series of incidents that happened in a pastor’s life whereby God shows us
step-by-step what true forgiveness means.
1. For two-and-a-half years, eight families in a congregation had been malicious. They
were trying to force the pastor out of the ministry. It was a continual, personal attack
against his character and position.
2. After such a length of time he began to break down under the pressure because he
wasn't handling the problem Jesus' way.
3. One evening as he was sitting in his office where he liked to pray, he said,
"God, I can't stand this pressure anymore. I can't stand these attacks. I'm breaking
down and I don't know what to do." The Lord spoke deep in his heart and said simply,
"My son, the reason why you are so upset is because you haven't forgiven them
completely". He thought the problem was theirs, but God was saying the problem was
his reaction to their wrongdoing.
4. (Col. 3:15) "Let the peace of God rule your heart". The Greek word for
"ruling" means "to watch over," to be like a referee who blows his
whistle if a foul is committed. This scripture is saying that if you lose your peace, you
have done something wrong. You have committed an error on the inside. If you are handling
things on the inside correctly, as Jesus would, you will have peace even when you are
being crucified. If you lose your peace, it's a sign that something is wrong with your
reaction.
C. What are the various aspects of forgiving?
1. Pronouncing official forgiveness. God spoke to him and told him his problem was that
he wasn't forgiving these people completely. He said, "God, I don't know what you
mean." At that moment he didn't hear any reply. As the next couple of days went by,
he began to see what the Lord wanted him to understand. A few nights later he realized
what it was. God didn't want him to say, "Oh, I forgive them Lord," if He asked
me. He wanted him to come, as a king before Him. As a king before the King of Kings, and
officially forgive those who had hurt him. When he realized this, he went into the
sanctuary of the church and turned on the lights. Alone in the church, he stood before God
and said, "Lord, officially, as a king before You, the King of Kings, I forgive all
those eight families. I forgive every one of them for what they have done against me. In
Jesus' name I do this." He heard God ask, "Forgive whom?" "Well Lord,
there's the president of the congregation." "What are you forgiving him
of?" asked the Lord. "Well, there is this and that." He began to list
things. He was beginning by this time, to understand what God wanted. God didn't want him
to forgive them all collectively. He wanted him to forgive them person by person, sin by
sin. So he went down the line person by person and began to forgive each one of each
specific sin. As he did, he felt a release in his spirit.
2. Tear up the IOUs. It was wonderful but not yet perfect. Two nights later he was
praying. He realized there was still something wrong. He didn't know what it was so he
asked. Lord, is there any other lesson You are trying to teach me? Again, the Lord spoke.
My son, you haven't forgiven them completely. He said, but Father, I did, person by person
and sin by sin. He then said, I want you to tear up their IOUs: (IOU "I owe
you"-- notes that prove what people owe us). As the Lord spoke, he could envision
that he had big Iron bars in his chest. It was as if these people were locked inside and
he had figuratively written I.O.U's for each of them. His thoughts had been. I have
forgiven them but I am not going to set them free until, they at least know how much they
have hurt me. Instead, the Lord was telling him. I don't want you to hold any credit slips
against them. That night he walked into the sanctuary again, turned on the lights and
said, Lord, I tear up every I.O.U, every credit slip. I set them free! They don't owe me a
thing! Then the Lord said. Tear up whose I.O.U's? He realized again that God wanted him to
list them, person by person and sin by sin. As God spoke, he saw what seemed like a great
pot of flames. The Lord wanted him to tear up the IOUs, throw them into the flames and let
them be burned to ashes. Then God wanted him to let the wind of the Spirit blow the ashes
far away. Then the I.O.U's would be impossible to get back. That was the depth to which I
was to release each person of each sin. Again, person by person, sin by sin, he tore up
the IOUs that were hidden in his heart and he set the people free. By now he was beginning
to do this with other people in his life such as his parents, his wife, and others. He
perceived that he hadn't done these things as he should have, even with them.
3. Forgetting the hurts, renouncing the memories. He felt wonderful that night, but two
or three nights later he realized that things were still not perfect. Maybe there was
another lesson to be learned. He said, Lord, is there something else you are trying to
teach me? Again the Lord spoke. My son, you haven't forgiven them completely. He
protested. Lord, I have forgiven them! Person by person! I've torn up the IOUs They don't
owe me anything anymore! God said, I want you to forget what they have done. Immediately
his thoughts were, Lord, I can forgive them, but I can't forget. He said. Lord, I don't
know how to do that. God said, My son, my mind is better than yours, Isn't it? He said,
yes Lord. Then He asked, What do I do with your sins? Suddenly he remembered the passage
in Jeremiah 31:34. He said, but Lord, I still don't know how to do it! How do I forget?
The Lord said. Son, your will is greater than your memory, and if you will to forget, you
will forget. 2 Corinthians 10:5 immediately went through his mind. He saw that he was to
take those memories, cast them down and reject them as unclean things, just as he would a
demon. He went in, turned on the lights in the sanctuary and stood before the Lord. Person
by person, sin by sin, memory by memory, he cast them away, rebuking them and driving them
from him in the name of Jesus. As he was doing this, he began to wonder, Lord, what
happens if one of these memories begins to creep back into my mind? What shall I do? The
Lord said. Ask for an alarm system to guard your thoughts. Obediently he prayed. Oh Holy
Spirit, guard my mind by setting within it an alarm system, so that if those thoughts
would begin, let me realize they are there and cast them away before they have time to
pollute me. I will keep doing this until they stop. Some of the memories of what those
people did to him took several months of being cast away, again and again. Each time he
did it they got weaker and weaker. To try now and remember the specifics of what went on
in those years would take another, deliberate act of his will. To remember what they did
would poison him, hurt Jesus, and hurt them. Another thing happened as he was renouncing
each of the memories that night. The Lord spoke to him. Son, I want you to repent for
having hung on to those memories. He realized that by retaining the memories had sinned
against those who had hurt him. He turned and repented for that, person by person. When he
finished he felt wonderful, like dancing around the church. There are many people who keep
mental file drawers of hurts. When they get hurt again, they pull out this mental file
drawer and look down the files until they find the right card. Then they think. See,
that's the same thing he said to me last week, the same thing he did two years ago. They
have all the old hurts catalogued. Then they take the old hurts and add them to the new
hurt, making the new hurt much worse than it really is. Blame for all of it is then cast
on the other person. I know a lady who had not forgiven her husband even though he had
been dead for twenty years. She still held on to all the old hurts that he had given her.
She was in deep torment.
4. Renouncing the generalized negative feelings that have developed. A few nights later
he was in his office praying again and he realized there was still something bothering him
that he couldn't quite pinpoint. He could have lived with the level of peace he felt at
that moment. He wasn't being crunched anymore but he thought maybe God was trying to tell
him something else. He said, "Lord, is there any other lesson you're trying to teach
me besides forgiving, because I don't quite have the perfect peace that I would
like?" The Lord spoke in his heart and said, "Son, you haven't forgiven them
completely." He was greatly amazed. He said, "Lord, I have forgiven them sin by
sin and person by person. I've torn up the IOUs. I've renounced the memories, and I'm
getting good at it." The Lord said, "How do you feel when you see one of them
walk into church on Sunday morning?" He winced. He knew how he felt. There was
disgust in his mind. His heart wrenched when he saw one of them. He realized what the Lord
wanted him to do. He went into the church, turned on the lights, stood before the Lord
again and wept. He repented and said, "Oh God, I'm so ashamed of how my heart has
become hardened toward these people and how I've let a negative heart and mind-set build
up. Oh God, forgive me." He repented for all of that in him. How good he felt that
night after having done this! He then went to each one in those eight families, person by
person, and asked for their forgiveness for allowing a negative heart-set to build up
within him. Most of them didn't understand what he meant, but he went to them anyway. A
great weight was taken off his shoulders. He felt almost perfect.
5. Ask for a heart of compassion toward the one who hurt you. Two or three nights later
he was praying in his office when a thought came to him and he said, "Lord, is there
perhaps some different lesson that you are trying to teach me?" The Lord spoke,
"Son, you haven't forgiven them completely." He didn't know how to answer. He
was amazed. "Oh Father, I don't know what you mean, but I am listening." The
Father said, "Do you remember the woman in Scripture who was possessed with seven
demons?" "Yes Lord," he answered. God said "Can you imagine what kind
of a life she must have lived?" "It must have been terrible!" he said. God
asked, "Why didn't she go to the synagogue to get help?" He didn't answer. He
could have guessed some reasons, but the Lord spoke first. "Because if she had walked
in the door of the synagogue, though some would have wanted to help her, they would have
all looked at her as a woman possessed with seven demons and she couldn't have stood that
look on their faces. So she never went in." Jesus asked, "But why did she come
to me? Why did all those harlots and publicans and sinners crowd around me? Why did they
want to be close to me? Why did they want me to come home and eat dinner with them?"
When he didn't answer, Jesus whispered, "Because when I looked at her, I did not see
her as a woman possessed with seven demons, but I saw her as the beautiful Mary Magdalene.
That was the look her heart ached for, and that's why she came!" He paused and then
said, "My son, that's the way I want you to look at those who are fighting against
you." Ashamed, he wept in deep repentance. Even though he was a pastor, he was so far
from forgiving as the Lord had forgiven him. He was so ashamed. He started teaching these
things to his people and God began to change the hearts of many so that they loved and had
compassion for those who were fighting against them, even though they never changed.
6. Have a justifying forgiveness. There are several more things about forgiveness that
God taught him. One is that forgiveness must be justifying. That is, it must be the way a
person is treated, or the way he is reckoned or counted. God is saying that when He
forgave us, He counted us just as if we had never sinned. Not because he found some reason
for our actions and called them right, but He treats us and reckons us as "being
righteous". He counts us as though we had never sinned in the first place. God is
saying, "When you forgive, I want you to count that other person as though he had
never sinned in the first place. I want you to see him with fresh, new, loving eyes."
How far short we are from forgiving as Jesus forgives! No wonder so many Christians have
so much torment and so many congregations are torn apart. Christians may have big
ministries, but all too often they don't realize these very simple truths.
7. Doing good to those who have hurt you. Another thing that the Lord tells us about
His forgiveness and mercy is that we are to turn around and begin to do good toward those
who have hurt us. (Matt. 5:44-45) I am so glad the Heavenly Father does not answer the
Lord's Prayer just the way we pray it. When we pray, "Forgive us our sins as we
forgive those who have sinned against us," I'm glad He goes beyond how we have
forgiven and forgives us fully. If we harbor something in our heart against someone we cut
ourselves off, at least partially, from the life and blessings of God. Our heavenly Father
wants us, His sons and daughters, to be like Him and forgive as He forgives. When we do
not forgive, it strikes against Jesus' whole purpose for coining. The Father must turn us
over to tormentors, because He must not let unforgiveness continue in our hearts.
Unforgiveness does too much destruction and produces too much hurt. It destroys His
family, His church. There are so many Christians who have only forgiven sixty, seventy or
maybe eighty percent of the way and God is calling them to take the steps that they have
missed. He is calling them to be doers and not just hearers of the Word. He is requiring
them to follow through, release people, and tear up the I.O.U's they are holding. He
insists that we renounce the memories and keep renouncing them until they are gone. He
requires us to renounce and repent of negative feelings that we have allowed to build in
our hearts. He calls us to pray and ask Him to build in us eyes of compassion to see the
way He sees. Eyes that will look upon a sinner as though he were not a sinner. If we will
forgive totally and instantly when others sin against us, their sins will not hurt us.
Jesus did not lose peace in His spirit or His soul, even when being crucified. He was
still at peace because he could forgive his tormentors completely. The Greek says that
when lie prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do," He
repeated it many times. It was an ongoing statement He was making from the cross. That's
what kept Jesus' heart from being crushed under the pressure of our sins, and that's what
Jesus wants us to do with those who would crucify us. We, as leaders, must teach our
people these things. We must walk them through these principles until they learn how. We
must teach our children how to completely forgive someone and not as an afterthought say,
"Oh, I forgive you."
8. Those listening to this message should stop at this point and do whatever the Spirit
is saying. Forgive more completely and totally those about whom He has spoken. Do your
spiritual homework now before you forget this lesson. If you have parents you haven't
forgiven fully, a pastor, business associate or anyone else who has hurt you very deeply,
you still must forgive. Do it now while the Spirit is still tugging on your heart.
|
